Sorrow, loneliness and frustration caused me to sink deeper into drugs.

After my son was born and I stopped breastfeeding, I heartlessly began smoking hashish again. I smoked anything I could get my hands on and drank about two bottles of whiskey a day, but the funny thing was that I couldn’t get drunk.

The angel/demon would sit beside me and was always touching me or stroking my hair and like a fool, I allowed him because I was afraid to speak out. Once I asked myself, “Why is this creep always touching me?”

The people I considered friends didn’t believe me when I told them what was going on. They would laugh at me and say, “Oh, Fatima, you’ve been smoking too much.”

Everyone thought I had special gifts because I would often foresee things. I would explain to them that the “angel” was the one who revealed these things and that it wasn’t me. But my supposed friends would just laugh at me. They just thought I was high. How could I possibly open up to these people who didn’t believe me? I tried to explain, but…

The “angel” whispered in my ear: “You’re going to be mine. You’re mine! I gave you your husband, now I’m going to get rid of him.” I didn’t understand why all of a sudden the angel was acting so strange and becoming mean to me.

He would tell me: “Kill your son, kill him!” I was petrified but who could I turn to? I went to a witchdoctor and paid him a lot of money. He cast various spells but instead of things getting better, it was the complete opposite; the “angel” became worse. To others it looked like my life was going great, but I was going crazy. I was spinning out of control!

My husband betrayed me with one of my friends. She often came over my house and eventually ended up in bed with him. That was the last straw.

I was heartbroken and at the bottom of a pit. I just wanted to die. The angel/devil would say: “Go ahead, kill yourself. Can’t you see he doesn’t want you? Go ahead, kill yourself! He’s been cheating on you day and night.”

He would always say, “I’m going to put an end to it all” meanwhile my drug use increased. I was in anguish and needed a way out.

I often had nervous breakdowns and broke everything in the house because I felt trapped. And the “angel” tormented me day and night, saying: “Give me your son.” I found myself screaming at him and he would just laugh at me while I threw things around. But how could I hit something that would just disappear? It was driving me crazy. The angel would say: “Can’t you see that nobody wants you? Go ahead, kill yourself. Kill your son and put an end to everything!”

My days were spent this way: apparently looking like a happy person on the outside but deep down, burying my pain and suffering in hashish, cannabis and alcohol. As the days passed, I became extremely thin and very sick, while my husband spent hours, days and weeks with another woman.

Our relationship became a threesome, so they thought, but only I knew that there was actually a fourth person because I considered the angel/devil as my main relationship.

This is when I tried to commit suicide for the first time. I drank bleach, but my son’s godmother found me in time. I was in horrible pain because the bleach severely damaged my throat.

To make myself feel better and get through the daily chores, I decided to hire another maid. She later asked me to be her daughter’s godmother. Despite all my problems, society still looked up to me as a respected successful woman, invited to all the parties, driving expensive cars, travelling to the hottest spots and using lots of drugs. To them I was a social icon. But it was nothing more than lies, deception and frustration; I wore a huge mask.

The maid witnessed several weird situations in the house: eggs under the bed, photographs tied to the foot of the bed; inexplicable things. When I came home, she would try to get an explanation out of me and tried to understand, but I would just turn to her and say, “I need to smoke a joint because this creep is driving me crazy.” And she wondered: “What creep? Your husband?” I answered, “Him too, but I’m talking about the one that’s here now.” She asked, “Who?” “This one.” She turned to me and said, “Oh my God, you must not be feeling well!” I often cried and screamed, but she didn’t understand anything that was going on.

This maid then suffered a terrible tragedy: her husband hanged himself in front of their 5 year old daughter. I knew it was him, the “angel”, that was making these things happen. But how could I ever explain that to anyone?

During this period of my life, my pain increased but my success was also on the rise. The “angel” changed my name. He said: “From now on your artistic name will be Amitaf (Fatima spelled backwards).”

He gave me the gift of being able to write things backwards and counterfeiting. I was able to forge any name, it was strange, but I liked it because it seemed like the “angel” was on my side again.

The name, Amitaf, was acceptable and quickly became very well known. I met an incredibly famous designer and took a course in modelling and etiquette.

I sat at the table with presidents, government ministers and met many high class people. That’s how I got acquainted with a man who worked for Playboy magazine. Later, our paths crossed again.

I continued portraying a happily married woman, but it was all a lie, all false. It was1985/86. It was April, Holy Week. The headaches were constant, but during this time they became unbearable.

I went to a witchdoctor but things just got worse. It seemed like bombs were going off in my head with every step I took. I became bed ridden and the “angel” would just stay there staring at me.

Maria de Fatima da Cruz Carvalho

The following is the continuation of the previously posted testimony of Maria de Fatima da Cruz Carvalho.

At first, everything seemed rosy. It seemed that I was a happy woman with a perfect marriage. I was envied by many, but my day-to-day life was all a lie. Inside of me was an emptiness, a sadness, pain, just a pretense of happiness.

A year later, I was pregnant. It was a planned pregnancy, but pregnancy problems began to emerge that I couldn’t understand. My husband started getting farther and that “angel” drew even closer. I was an independent woman, trained in physical education, and was very stubborn. I insisted that I wanted to keep working, even with my big belly but my husband insisted that I stay home.

At this point, the “angel” began to lay in bed with us. I became afraid of him, to the point that I often lashed out at my husband, because this angel was there between us. My husband thought that the harsh things I was saying were meant for him, and he became aggressive with me.

Many times, I felt a hand caressing my belly. I thought it was my husband. But when I opened my eyes and saw that it was the “angel”, I’d scream. The angel told me: “Fatima, you will be very rich, but know that there’s a price to pay.” I didn’t understand anything.

At this point, I had stopped using drugs because my child was on the way. But I would have strange attacks, fainting spells and nervous breakdowns. I looked healthy, but I was extremely nervous and irritable with a constant headache, but many told me it was normal.

My son was born in November. I became very rich and the problems multiplied. I was openly envied and hated by those around me, but I was oblivious to it all.

The “angel” came to be constantly, day and night, by my side. The fainting spells, the fits of rage and the anxiety all increased and I felt an inner loneliness. The strange thing was that I had money, a beautiful house by the sea, well employed, and a beautiful son, but felt a great emptiness. Despite this sadness that consumed me, I had to pretend to be happy.

I was always upset. One day I’d be normal, the other day sick, and nobody could find the cause of my distress. I had headaches that felt like everything around me was crushing in on my skull. My husband began to drink. He felt very disconnected from me and began to give more attention to friends than to my son and me. We had a lot of money and we were very young. It was around 1983/84.

The “angel” was now trying to touch me. At times I’d say, “Don’t touch me. Get out!” But no one could see it, just me. What torment! How could I ever tell anyone about this? I began to think of how I could escape that angel that was becoming even more fearful to me. Again that terrible feeling of fear was taking over, that same fear I felt as a child.

Maria de Fatima da Cruz Carvalho

The following contains the first chapters of a powerful testimony: the terrible experience Maria de Fatima da Cruz Carvalho, born in the Saint Thomas and Prince Islands and raised in Portugal, burdened with evil forces that plagued her since early childhood. This book will be published in its entirety, by Editora Gráfica Universal.

I’m feeling very afraid in the darkness of the night. It’s intensely cold. There’s a knot in my throat. I want to go to the bathroom but if even my head comes out from under the covers, he’ll grab me. There’s a man dressed in white behind the door.

It all started when I was a child. I was six years old. I always slept with my head covered. Every night a man would hide behind my bedroom door.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I was scared that he would get a hold of me. I would have cold sweats and tremble. My mother always woke up early, so I’d wait for her to get up and turn on the hallway light and then I’d run to her.

She would often send me back to bed, but I wouldn’t go. I didn’t have the courage to. And so, another sleepless night would go by.

I had multiple personalities as a child. It’s extremely important that parents pay close attention to their children, especially when they’re talking to themselves or say that they have an imaginary friend. Even as a child, I was able to quickly change personalities. Sometimes, I would become overwhelmed with sadness for no apparent reason. I was always afraid because I knew night time was near and I would have to go to bed. This went on throughout my childhood and continued as I grew.

One summer night, I was feeling incredibly hot and was drenched in sweat. I slowly tried to poke my head from under the sheets, but the man’s image quickly moved towards me. I was 12 years old at this time.

That night, I decided that I had to get up and go to the bathroom; it was awfully hot.

I looked out from under the sheets and saw him coming towards me. This time, he was all dressed in black; he sat on my bed and said: “I’m your guardian angel. If you do everything I tell you to, you’ll have success, money, fame and anything else you want.”

I answered, “Ok.”

Still trembling, I got up and went to the bathroom. From that moment on, I no longer feared him.

Everything inside me began to change after I made the pact with him that day. At that time, I didn’t know that I had entered into a pact, but the truth is, that I did.

In the summer, during school vacation, my mother let me go to a park called Muxito. I met up with some friends from school. I asked them what they were up to. One of them said: “Come on, Fatima! Let’s smoke a joint.”

Not knowing what that meant, I asked them what it was, and they said: “Come on, you’ll see how good you’ll feel! Just try it.”

That was when I started doing drugs. I started smoking opium at age 12. My body felt like it was falling asleep. From that day on, the way I dressed, spoke and acted, radically changed. Outside, I acted one way, but at home I was a completely different person. I was always seeing this angel and he was constantly near me.

The “angel” and I were always talking to each other. At first, everyone that heard me thought I had an imaginary friend. He said his name was Pailac. This was 1972.

I can’t say that I was the best student in school, but there was one class where I excelled over everyone else: Physical Education, especially gymnastics. I exceeded my teacher’s expectations, stood out in every test they gave me and the “angel” was always there with me.

I was introduced to new drugs: hashish, LSD, etc… I’ll talk more about the drugs in later chapters.

There were a lot of new experiences living this lifestyle. I truly believed he was my guardian angel. At 16, I went on stage to perform in a show with a well-known singer. I met many important people. If anyone challenged me and said, “You can’t do that!” I would answer back with conviction, “You bet I can!” All I needed to do was say that I wanted something and the angel would say: “It’s yours!” And sure enough, I’d get it because he would make it happen.

People said that I became an extravagant person. I was very proud and arrogant, but at the same time, would easily to change to my convenience.

I had two childhood friends and neighbours that frequently came over my house (no need to mention names). They knew about “Pailac” and would give me questions to ask him. They couldn’t see him but felt his presence and on several occasions saw objects moving. Today, I believe he used them.

The course of my friends’ lives had a very sad ending. One became a prostitute and the other became a heroin junkie.

The “guardian angel” said I was going to be very rich and that he would choose who I would marry. And that’s exactly how it happened. To everyone’s amazement and completely against my parents’ wishes, I got married in 1982.

I don’t know how I fell in love. I was attending night school in Pragal at this time. I was terribly infatuated with him.

It was really weird how I fell madly in love from one year to another. I knew who he was and disliked him very much, then suddenly out of the blue, I was totally in love with him. Even one of my co-workers who had seen how repulsed I was by him, said: “Wow, Fatima, you couldn’t stand him and now you’re head over heels for him!” Today, I know it was the angel’s doing.

My husband came from a wealthy family. We had a huge wedding. The angel took command of everything; he even chose my wedding dress. I was oblivious to how the angel was in complete control of my life.

I remember going into my mother’s room on my wedding day and just falling to my knees. I cried so much. My mother came in and asked me what was happening. I couldn’t explain why I was feeling this profound sadness. I remember looking up and seeing the angel smiling down at me, but I didn’t understand why.

Maria de Fatima da Cruz Carvalho

The act of marriage is the sexual relationship between husband and wife. What can and what cannot be done? The Bible does not teach how to have sexual intercourse in detail. All it does is to warn us against what is contrary to nature (Romans 1:26).

In my point of view, everything that breaks the harmony between God, man and nature, is contrary to nature.

During the practice of sodomy, the rectum is violated when a foreign body is forced upon it. The function of the anus is not to receive, but to expel. Expel what? Faeces, excrement, poo. Faeces are the solid waste from the human body. To use the anus as an object of pleasure is the same as enjoying a gourmet dinner for two in a garbage dump. It doesn’t make sense. It’s a matter of hygiene, health and, above all, intelligence.

However, we own our bodies, and we can do whatever we want with them. We have our free will.

Christians know that their body is the temple of the Spirit of God. And as such, refuse to submit to anything that is contrary to nature.

Read more:

The intimacy of a couple
Marital intimacy
Blessed condoms
Doubt about sex

Many disappointed husbands have been emailing us complaining about their wives. According to them, when their wives were nonbelievers, they were far more of a “woman”. It seems that after becoming a born again Christians they “deleted” their sexual desires.

There are even those who complain that their conjugal act now happens less than before. I’m sure the devil is loving this situation because there’s nothing more damaging to a marriage than when both spouses don’t see eye to eye in regards to the sacred union of marriage.

I can say from personal experience that the future of a happy marriage begins in the bedroom. The couple can be filled with the Holy Spirit but if they’re not sexually active they’re unlikely going to be faithful to each other.

The conjugal act in a marriage is like the daily nourishment of our physical body. No one can disagree that our sexual appetite is like our appetite for food, because both are part of human nature, created by God. Of course there are some exceptions, like in the case of a eunuch, but in general, there is no dismissing or pretending not to have this desire.

I know that among evangelicals there is tremendous hypocrisy regarding this issue. Many of my colleagues from other denominations have considered the conjugal act as something carnal and demonic; as if sex had been created in hell. This ignorance has also spread among the converted to the point that many are ignoring their spousal obligations.

If the conjugal act is carnal or demonic, my wife and I are of the flesh and in need of deliverance. Furthermore, I must confess that the more we relate sexually, the closer and more attached we grow to each other.

The truth is that the lack of faith with intelligence has led many Christians to failure, beginning with their marriage.

Just the other day someone wrote to me saying, “I’ve been married for 23 years. I like my wife and it’s great to have her at my side at all times. I’m very sexually attracted to her and I’m not disgusted by her or lack desire for her in any way. But I must confess that my sex life leaves much to be desired. While I have sexual urges 2 to 3 times a week, my wife is happy with just once a month. If I seek her more than that, after giving me a ton of the same old excuses, she finally gives in but does things with total disinterest. My wife is a blessed assistant, full of the virtues that only someone of God could possess… but she thinks that sex is a bad and dirty thing before God. This has made our relationship a disaster because I’m always unsatisfied and unable to hide it … This bothers me very much, because like we’ve learned, we shouldn’t miss the things we used to do in the world, but I miss (I really miss) how our sex life was before our conversion. And on top of always being unsatisfied, I’m often tempted to desire other women even though I know it’s wrong.”

I wonder how this assistant would counsel a wife in a reverse situation—where the wife would be the one wanting more intimacy, and not the husband.

The apostle Paul clearly instructs us regarding this subject when he says:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

The Lord, through Solomon, teaches the following in respect to the conjugal act between husband and wife:

After urging His son to obey God’s Word and warning him about the adulterous woman, He says:

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” (Proverbs 5:15-20)

The water symbolises the conjugal act; the cistern and the well, his wife. “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers” means that if he doesn’t fulfil her needs, somebody else will!

“May your fountain be blessed [...] May her breasts satisfy you [...] May you ever be captivated by her love.” These are strong sexual expressions between a married couple.

My attention is drawn to the act of being “drunk” with love. And what do you, my dear Christian, have to say about that? And you, heartless assistant, what do you have to say in regards to these Biblical words?

How long will you keep up this division in your bed; giving the devil the opportunity to tempt your husband?

Know that if he falls into temptation, you will be held accountable.

May God open everyone’s eyes in the name of the Lord Jesus, amen!

God bless you abundantly.

I read all the comments that are left on my blogs, the pros and the cons. It no longer surprises me when those who feel alienated from the Christian faith criticise us. If they did it to Jesus, why wouldn’t they do it to His servants? But what baffles me is the level of foolishness among those who use scripture to condemn homosexuals. Does the Bible appoint judges? For example, does the fact that we’re Jesus’ disciples automatically make us perfect enough to judge and condemn homosexuals?

Unfortunately, one of the biggest factors that prevent many from knowing the Saviour and understanding the message of the Gospel is the arrogance of many church goers who consider themselves believers and followers of the Word, but can only point their finger, criticise and attack others, but never show a sign of love or a gesture of respect.

Someone who is prejudiced tends to think of himself as an ideal human being, condemning and ostracizing all others who differ from him. A “Christian” that loathes another person is a contradiction. They’re not only snubbing their neighbour but they’re also reducing their neighbours’ odds of knowing God’s compassion, and ultimately excluding them from receiving salvation.

The only way of demonstrating God’s love, especially to those who have been excluded, is with real gestures of welcome, consideration, respect, and solidarity. This is the way to obediently practice His command: “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36).

The same Bible that condemns homosexuality also condemns any kind of sin, but the Lord Jesus welcomes everyone without discrimination. If we condemn homosexuals, then we would also be condemning ourselves. Who doesn’t sin? What’s the difference between a little sin and a big sin? God doesn’t discriminate.

The image that people sell of themselves may convince others of their appearance of holiness but God sees what’s in our heart and there is no way of disguising that.

I’ll never defend the homosexual lifestyle, but I’ll always have faith to help both homosexuals as well as heterosexuals who are willing to lay their pain, suffering and weaknesses at the feet of the One who wants to save them. I just don’t have faith to put up with hypocrites.

I recommend that intolerant “Christians” meditate on the following passage:

“He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2 Corinthians 3:6)

Rafael José Silvestre, 23, was an atheist since the age of 17. He came to this decision because of several questions that arose in his mind, the main ones being: why does God allow so much evil to happen in the world? How could one God more compelling than another?

“Certain actions taken by Catholics caused me much confusion and so did the bad examples I witnessed from a so-called Christian whose life was the complete opposite of what he claimed to believe. His behavior wasn’t like what I read in the Bible, because although I was an atheist and I didn’t believe in the Bible, I still read it searching to justify my disbelief. My friends and I had the same views on the subject and although many had their doubts they eventually converted to atheism after I influenced them with my reasoning.

The idea I had of the Universal Church of the Kingdom of God was based solely on what I heard about them on the news. I never took time to investigate what I was hearing. I admit that was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. One of the thoughts I mentioned earlier that came to mind was of the “scandals” that were always appearing on TV against the church regarding money, tithes and offerings, what the congregants gave and this money was put to use .

About two and a half months ago I was invited by a dear friend to come to the UCKG. I was the type of person that had to “see to believe” and so I came to understand how someone could be possessed by evil spirits after witnessing my friend manifest. And that’s when I began questioning my stand on atheism. Was everything that I was so sure about, the power of reasoning, really the only thing that exists?

I decided to continue going to church to support my friend in her deliverance. During the meetings, I continued seeing how she would manifest with evil spirits and how she would become normal again after the bishop used his authority through prayer to deliver her. I felt some strange things happen to me as well, like: discomfort, shaking and pressure on my body as if something was pulling me down. Seeing how the bishop had all this authority over those evil forces challenged everything I believed in. I wanted to understand where that power was coming from. Doubts filled my mind. I spoke with one of the members of the Church and he suggested that I put God to test by tithing. I gave my tithe, put God to test and got an answer, it was amazing. Since then, I began seeking God, the bishop and the pastor for help. I also began reading the Bible to clarify my doubts and for the first time, I found answers.

During one of the worship meetings my attention was drawn to the fact that it’s necessary to bury our sinful past and give birth to a new life. I finally understood that I’m human and a sinner and I was able to repent and find forgiveness in Jesus. I decided to place my life in God’s hands and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord. I was baptized in water and through Him, I’m able find the strength to fight against my will.

Today, I participated of the Lord’s Supper for the first time and it was really special. I was able to take part of the body and blood of Christ. To me, this is experimenting with my faith. It’s not something palpable or found in a material form. I believe that through these elements (the bread and wine) I’m in communion with the Body of Christ.

Everything is now clear to me. I understand the value of a true sacrifice. It’s not in the sacrifice itself; there’s so much more behind what really pleases God and being able to let go of the materialism and rely solely on God is what shows our true faith. The formula for a miracle is: give your life to God and fully trust in Him, without doubting.

I have a thirst for the Holy Spirit to fill me completely. I fight every day to conquer and I will, because today I believe!”

Hi Bishop, how are you?

I was so excited that you allowed me to write to you, that I don’t even know where to start. A bunch of things come to mind.

I was moved after hearing your meeting on Sunday. That’s what I believe the Universal Church is. It has a unique faith and a love that can’t be found in this world.

As you know, my father left home when I was little and our life became a disgrace. Nobody helped us. There were a few, very few, that even tried but couldn’t afford to keep helping us out, didn’t have enough love for us, didn’t have patience and most importantly they didn’t have God.

No one could help us. We knocked on many doors: churches, witch doctors, family members, my mom and I even went to the cemetery and lit candles to my dead grandfather.

Things only got worse and that’s when no one could really help us. Everyone has their own problems and don’t want to be bothered with other’s.

That’s when we went to the Universal Church, in Pinheiros (São Paulo, Brazil), where we found pastors with enough patience to hear us out and best of all, faith to fight for us. It was through this faith that I met God’s love and discovered my hatred for the devil.

When I heard your prayer of humility, I could feel the pain you and the people were and are going through. It reminded me of everything you faced - the persecution and challenges. I also heard you say that you don’t know what else to do and you even asked God to take your life as if it were a favor to you, oh no bishop, this can’t happen!

If you don’t know what to do, imagine me? I know God guides you and we all need you. Of course we need God, but only you, through the Universal Church can lead us to Him. There isn’t any other ministry (that I know of) that can lead us to God.

When I speak to my mother or my sisters (only one hasn’t converted yet), I see what you have done for us; you guided us to God!

Just the fact that you were able to help us, already makes me consider you a perfect overcomer.

Bishop, there are millions of people, like my family and I, who need your help to guide them to the Lord Jesus!

Thank you, for helping us even in the midst of all the difficulties, harassment and slander.

I always pray for all of your family: Mrs. Esther, Bp. Renato, Mrs. Cristiane, Bp. Julio, Mrs. Viviane, Moses, although I do sometimes forget to mention your grandson (lol). Anything can happen in this world, but one thing’s for sure, a man of God exists.

Here, the ministry moves forward. There are still many things to learn. Lack of experience will only lead me to use my faith and rely on the mercy of God until I learn, right? And God has seen our desire to save souls and blessed us by bringing more and more people to church.

Soon, another church will be opened. We’re only missing some minor details.

I’ve learned a lot from Bp. Renato, Bp. Julio (I’m still learning, because they’re always sending new inspirations) and Bp. Peter, who is now in England. His meetings are really cool. He’s even taught me how to ski in the snow! Only at the UCKG.

A great big hug from me bishop and stay with the Lord Jesus Christ.

We love Jesus and we love you!

Guilherme from Ireland