Sorrow, loneliness and frustration caused me to sink deeper into drugs.

After my son was born and I stopped breastfeeding, I heartlessly began smoking hashish again. I smoked anything I could get my hands on and drank about two bottles of whiskey a day, but the funny thing was that I couldn’t get drunk.

The angel/demon would sit beside me and was always touching me or stroking my hair and like a fool, I allowed him because I was afraid to speak out. Once I asked myself, “Why is this creep always touching me?”

The people I considered friends didn’t believe me when I told them what was going on. They would laugh at me and say, “Oh, Fatima, you’ve been smoking too much.”

Everyone thought I had special gifts because I would often foresee things. I would explain to them that the “angel” was the one who revealed these things and that it wasn’t me. But my supposed friends would just laugh at me. They just thought I was high. How could I possibly open up to these people who didn’t believe me? I tried to explain, but…

The “angel” whispered in my ear: “You’re going to be mine. You’re mine! I gave you your husband, now I’m going to get rid of him.” I didn’t understand why all of a sudden the angel was acting so strange and becoming mean to me.

He would tell me: “Kill your son, kill him!” I was petrified but who could I turn to? I went to a witchdoctor and paid him a lot of money. He cast various spells but instead of things getting better, it was the complete opposite; the “angel” became worse. To others it looked like my life was going great, but I was going crazy. I was spinning out of control!

My husband betrayed me with one of my friends. She often came over my house and eventually ended up in bed with him. That was the last straw.

I was heartbroken and at the bottom of a pit. I just wanted to die. The angel/devil would say: “Go ahead, kill yourself. Can’t you see he doesn’t want you? Go ahead, kill yourself! He’s been cheating on you day and night.”

He would always say, “I’m going to put an end to it all” meanwhile my drug use increased. I was in anguish and needed a way out.

I often had nervous breakdowns and broke everything in the house because I felt trapped. And the “angel” tormented me day and night, saying: “Give me your son.” I found myself screaming at him and he would just laugh at me while I threw things around. But how could I hit something that would just disappear? It was driving me crazy. The angel would say: “Can’t you see that nobody wants you? Go ahead, kill yourself. Kill your son and put an end to everything!”

My days were spent this way: apparently looking like a happy person on the outside but deep down, burying my pain and suffering in hashish, cannabis and alcohol. As the days passed, I became extremely thin and very sick, while my husband spent hours, days and weeks with another woman.

Our relationship became a threesome, so they thought, but only I knew that there was actually a fourth person because I considered the angel/devil as my main relationship.

This is when I tried to commit suicide for the first time. I drank bleach, but my son’s godmother found me in time. I was in horrible pain because the bleach severely damaged my throat.

To make myself feel better and get through the daily chores, I decided to hire another maid. She later asked me to be her daughter’s godmother. Despite all my problems, society still looked up to me as a respected successful woman, invited to all the parties, driving expensive cars, travelling to the hottest spots and using lots of drugs. To them I was a social icon. But it was nothing more than lies, deception and frustration; I wore a huge mask.

The maid witnessed several weird situations in the house: eggs under the bed, photographs tied to the foot of the bed; inexplicable things. When I came home, she would try to get an explanation out of me and tried to understand, but I would just turn to her and say, “I need to smoke a joint because this creep is driving me crazy.” And she wondered: “What creep? Your husband?” I answered, “Him too, but I’m talking about the one that’s here now.” She asked, “Who?” “This one.” She turned to me and said, “Oh my God, you must not be feeling well!” I often cried and screamed, but she didn’t understand anything that was going on.

This maid then suffered a terrible tragedy: her husband hanged himself in front of their 5 year old daughter. I knew it was him, the “angel”, that was making these things happen. But how could I ever explain that to anyone?

During this period of my life, my pain increased but my success was also on the rise. The “angel” changed my name. He said: “From now on your artistic name will be Amitaf (Fatima spelled backwards).”

He gave me the gift of being able to write things backwards and counterfeiting. I was able to forge any name, it was strange, but I liked it because it seemed like the “angel” was on my side again.

The name, Amitaf, was acceptable and quickly became very well known. I met an incredibly famous designer and took a course in modelling and etiquette.

I sat at the table with presidents, government ministers and met many high class people. That’s how I got acquainted with a man who worked for Playboy magazine. Later, our paths crossed again.

I continued portraying a happily married woman, but it was all a lie, all false. It was1985/86. It was April, Holy Week. The headaches were constant, but during this time they became unbearable.

I went to a witchdoctor but things just got worse. It seemed like bombs were going off in my head with every step I took. I became bed ridden and the “angel” would just stay there staring at me.

Maria de Fatima da Cruz Carvalho

I wrote this letter so that you pray for me and if you want, you can also read it to the assistants. Thirteen years ago, I abandoned the Work of the Lord Jesus because I let a grudge enter my heart.

I did the Work of God from 1991 to 1996. I was a blessed assistant, and I served in the church out of love. I liked going out to evangelise—I’d participate in all the groups, even the one that visits prison inmates.

I always served in the headquarters, where the work of an assistant is harder, but I never complained. My financial life was blessed, and almost all the members of my family were converted. The first time UCKG members visited Israel, I went too. I visited all the places where Jesus walked—it was a blessing. All the areas of my life were blessed. I even became responsible for the Kids Zone of an entire region in the city of Rio de Janeiro. We opened a centre for drug addicts—many of them are in the presence of the Lord until today.

But one day, when I was not watching, I let pride enter my heart. I held a hard feeling against a pastor and, although I was right, I let my salvation slip through my fingers.

I abandoned everything and began doing things that were even worse than what I used to do in the past. I began using drugs again—the desire was much stronger this time— and tried to commit suicide four times. In 2002, I had an overdose and was taken to hospital. I almost died. I spent the following 6 years clean from drugs, yet I had no strength to turn back to Jesus.

Last year, I began taking drugs again. I started doing so many crazy things that I ended up being arrested. I never imagined this could happen, but here in prison I stopped smoking and taking drugs—the desire is gone. I’ve been seeking the presence of God and the Holy Spirit. I want to serve Jesus again when I am released. I want to do the Work of God again, so pray for me, because I know that the devil will do everything to impede me. I urge all men and women of God to never abandon the presence of God, for what is written in the Word of God is true: I’ve eaten with the pigs.

Thank you.

Marcia Moraes
Inmate

Pray for me and take care of your salvation!

This letter is from a former assistant who is behind bars.

When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, “I will return to my house from which I came.” And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order.

Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it also be with this wicked generation. (Matthew 12:43-45)

Hello! I just want to thank you for these messages of faith, which have helped me a lot—and will certainly continue to help. I have suffered a lot in my marriage but today, thank God and the UCKG, I will celebrate 25 years of a happy marriage with a transformed husband. I’ve learned to forgive. Not only did he have many lovers, but he also had 3 other wives. I’ve also been delivered from hatred and resentment.

I tried to kill myself. One of his lovers was an old friend of mine, and one day, God brought her to the Sunday morning service to ask me for forgiveness. She hugged me and I was able to forgive her as though I had never seen her in my entire life. That was a glorious experience for me; I felt great. I say this with joy, to glorify the LORD JESUS.

My encounter with God is the most important thing to me. And He has promised me that as long as I remain in Him, I will never suffer again. This is my biggest treasure.

You know dear friend, many times I left the church knowing that my husband was using drugs, drinking, going out with other women, and I would take solace in the messages of faith that you and your father write. I would feed from this faith and trusted that I would destroy the one that was destroying me. You have no idea of how important these messages are to us.

Today I can thank you from the bottom of my heart. Give your father, Bishop Macedo, a big hug for me, and tell him that I am grateful for everything. I can say that I am a living testimony of God’s power.

A big hug!

Marisa