Many disappointed husbands have been emailing us complaining about their wives. According to them, when their wives were nonbelievers, they were far more of a “woman”. It seems that after becoming a born again Christians they “deleted” their sexual desires.

There are even those who complain that their conjugal act now happens less than before. I’m sure the devil is loving this situation because there’s nothing more damaging to a marriage than when both spouses don’t see eye to eye in regards to the sacred union of marriage.

I can say from personal experience that the future of a happy marriage begins in the bedroom. The couple can be filled with the Holy Spirit but if they’re not sexually active they’re unlikely going to be faithful to each other.

The conjugal act in a marriage is like the daily nourishment of our physical body. No one can disagree that our sexual appetite is like our appetite for food, because both are part of human nature, created by God. Of course there are some exceptions, like in the case of a eunuch, but in general, there is no dismissing or pretending not to have this desire.

I know that among evangelicals there is tremendous hypocrisy regarding this issue. Many of my colleagues from other denominations have considered the conjugal act as something carnal and demonic; as if sex had been created in hell. This ignorance has also spread among the converted to the point that many are ignoring their spousal obligations.

If the conjugal act is carnal or demonic, my wife and I are of the flesh and in need of deliverance. Furthermore, I must confess that the more we relate sexually, the closer and more attached we grow to each other.

The truth is that the lack of faith with intelligence has led many Christians to failure, beginning with their marriage.

Just the other day someone wrote to me saying, “I’ve been married for 23 years. I like my wife and it’s great to have her at my side at all times. I’m very sexually attracted to her and I’m not disgusted by her or lack desire for her in any way. But I must confess that my sex life leaves much to be desired. While I have sexual urges 2 to 3 times a week, my wife is happy with just once a month. If I seek her more than that, after giving me a ton of the same old excuses, she finally gives in but does things with total disinterest. My wife is a blessed assistant, full of the virtues that only someone of God could possess… but she thinks that sex is a bad and dirty thing before God. This has made our relationship a disaster because I’m always unsatisfied and unable to hide it … This bothers me very much, because like we’ve learned, we shouldn’t miss the things we used to do in the world, but I miss (I really miss) how our sex life was before our conversion. And on top of always being unsatisfied, I’m often tempted to desire other women even though I know it’s wrong.”

I wonder how this assistant would counsel a wife in a reverse situation—where the wife would be the one wanting more intimacy, and not the husband.

The apostle Paul clearly instructs us regarding this subject when he says:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

The Lord, through Solomon, teaches the following in respect to the conjugal act between husband and wife:

After urging His son to obey God’s Word and warning him about the adulterous woman, He says:

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” (Proverbs 5:15-20)

The water symbolises the conjugal act; the cistern and the well, his wife. “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers” means that if he doesn’t fulfil her needs, somebody else will!

“May your fountain be blessed [...] May her breasts satisfy you [...] May you ever be captivated by her love.” These are strong sexual expressions between a married couple.

My attention is drawn to the act of being “drunk” with love. And what do you, my dear Christian, have to say about that? And you, heartless assistant, what do you have to say in regards to these Biblical words?

How long will you keep up this division in your bed; giving the devil the opportunity to tempt your husband?

Know that if he falls into temptation, you will be held accountable.

May God open everyone’s eyes in the name of the Lord Jesus, amen!

God bless you abundantly.

There was a blind girl who hated the fact that she had been born blind. She also hated everyone, except her boyfriend.

One day, she said that if she could see the world, she would marry him. One lucky day, someone donated a pair of corneas to her, then her boyfriend asked, “Now that you can see me, will you marry me?”

The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind. She said, “I’m terribly sorry, but I cannot marry you because you’re… blind.”

Her boyfriend, stepped back and, with tears in his eyes, said, “Please, just take good care of my eyes. They were the best that I had.”

Never reject those who love you. Sometimes, people sacrifice for us and we don’t even show consideration for them. Jesus gave His whole life for us, yet most people in this world reject Him.

The handwriting was perfect, the letter looked like it was all covered in gold, my eyes turned blue… The feeling was inexplicable! It wasn’t the letter that made it so special for me, it was the way everything happened from a simple trust in God. It was as if I was being rewarded for giving Him the upper hand in my life…

I immediately remembered my sacrifice in the previous campaign of Israel. It had been a ring, but not just a golden ring, my only ring. My father had given it to me as a birthday gift for my 15th birthday. It meant a lot to me, so much so that it was the only thing I had to sacrifice. I didn’t work, I didn’t have any money, I didn’t have any valuables.

After placing it inside the envelope, I felt proud of my faith somehow, as if I had finally done something with it all those years. I asked God for one thing in that envelope, I wanted to marry my first boyfriend, who would have to come from Him (and no one else).

I was the bishop’s daughter, everybody wanted to set me up with somebody… In their eyes, I was available. In my eyes, I wasn’t. I wanted God to set me up because I knew He’d choose someone perfect for me. He knew my expectations and so, it wouldn’t be anything less than those!

When Renato wrote me that love letter, out of the blue, not having met me or once spoken to me, it was as if God had written the perfect romance for me. I couldn’t stop smiling… and I have a feeling, God couldn’t either.

Cristiane Cardoso

I’ve been married for about 2 years. I’m always rushing; I work, go to school, do my wifely duties, etc… My husband dropped out of school and doesn’t have any life ambitions. I have to resolve everything; I’ve taken over both the man’s and the woman’s roles of the house. I’ve cheated on my husband with another man, but broke everything off to give it another try with my husband; after all I did get married to be happy. The only problem is that he takes me for granted. There is a guy that I met while I was dating my husband who has shown interest in me, but we’re only friends. He knows my husband and respects me. He loves me, appreciates me and wants to get married with me because I told him I wasn’t happily married and the truth is that I’m not. I don’t know if I love my husband or just like him. What should I do, divorce my husband and try to be happy or continue unhappily married just for appearance sake? Please understand that when I said I would divorce my husband it’s not because I want to get married with my friend. I don’t want him either. I want the perfect man that can make me happy. Please help me but don’t reveal my name, just call me friend.

Thank you and God bless. Teach me how to be happy.

This problem happens often because many people have put their passions over their reason. They’re in a rush to get married and end up compromising not only their future, but especially their children’s future, that have nothing to do with it. The result is abandoned children without the healthy guidance of both parents.

If you want to be happy, you must start with the Creator of happiness.

First, you must unconditionally surrender your life to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Second, abandon your wrong ways and,

Third, put into practice His directions written in the Holy Bible.

He says: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.” This is where happiness begins.

Is it easy? No, it’s not. But your only other option is to reap a harvest of pain and fruitless sacrifice for the rest of your life. After all, who can do anything right in a hurry?

Let this example serve as a warning to everyone who’s in a hurry to get married at any cost.

The day dawned rainy and muggy; it was one of those Friday mornings in the summer that promised to be long and stressful. The early morning traffic made any destination even more distant especially to those who had to squeeze into a crowded bus.

On this day, Marianne*, an executive secretary of an international corporation in Sao Paulo, knew she would have two very complicated meetings and would probably have to sacrifice her lunch hour on account of so many to-dos crowding her schedule. After work, she still had to run across town and tutor a student in English, which was a little something extra she did to tie up the loose ends in her budget.

The route to the student’s house turned out to be more of a nuisance than anything. The bus was crowded so she had to stand up while carrying heavy books, dreading the beginnings of a terrible migraine. Despite her usual good humor, which she always seemed to have whenever she faced any type of adversity, a thought kept repeating in a whisper: “My God, what a day!”

After an hour’s bus ride and a ten block walk, Marianne finally reached her destination. Class went on normally, which was refreshing in the midst of so many difficulties. As she was leaving her student’s building to go home, Marianne was surprised when the doorman warned her: “Three burglars just robbed a person in front of the building. They threatened to kill me if I called the police and said they would return. It’s better if nobody leaves until everything calms down.” “This can’t be happening,” thought Marianne.

Half an hour later, she decided not to stay there at the mercy of the thieves and left. Marianne used her faith as a shield and prayed that God would ward off any danger and make her invisible to any enemies. It was October 31st, a day where many celebrate Halloween, a North American custom, unfortunately introduced to the Brazilian culture. People crowded the streets dressed in black, like monsters and witches, walking around with bottles of alcohol in their hands. It seemed like she was in the middle of a horror movie.

She was determined to get home as fast as possible and took firm steps toward the bus stop, when to her despair she saw the bus fly by. The next one would take more than 30 minutes. Despite all the setbacks, a headache accompanied by hunger, and so far from home, she couldn’t understand why she was so peaceful at heart. It was ridiculous to be feeling this calm after such a hectic day. But, Marianne was inexplicably calm.

When the next bus finally arrived, she sat down, opened a book and wished that the last few hours of that day would turn out a bit more pleasant. When she was approaching at her destination on one of the main streets of the city, Marianne saw some strange movement and flashing red lights. The traffic cops were up ahead waving over all upcoming traffic. That’s when she recognised, over on the sidewalk, the bus that she had missed earlier. The right side of the bus was completely destroyed after colliding with a truck.

At that moment, she understood clearly in her heart what had happened. It was as if God kindly said to her: “My child, I’m allowing you to see how I delivered you.”

Often our eyes only see the problems that surround us and we think we’re in the middle of chaos. We end up losing the opportunity of having the wonderful experience that is being in the warm and protective arms of the Father.

* This is a true story, only the character’s name was changed. Her identity doesn’t matter. What matters is God’s love.